I should get some laundry done. Prep dinner. Spring clean the playroom. Write some emails. Work on those new designs. Tick that to do list. Do a face mask. Go for a walk. Maybe I should just get back to work?

But instead, I deal with my option paralysis in the least helpful way possible: by scrolling through my phone until I run out of battery (literally or figuratively) and put myself to bed feeling like I’ve lost something precious.

((hence the recent break up with social media)  - i do find myself still in option paralysis FYI but i stare at the clouds in the sky, or sometimes the ceiling instead - and i think thats the lesser evil in this scenario.)

 I can’t be productive, and I can’t fully relax, and I can’t possibly be alone in this. 

I spend that middle hour of the day when my children rest or listen to audio stories, Fluttering and flustered, about the to do list and how can I possibly get something finalised. Exhausted from the morning of managing wild willed toddlers in outdoor spaces, and guilty of never not getting enough done. It’s not worth pulling out the tools, especially the loud ones and if I even try and open the laptop I know there will be a small body clambering on-top of mine begging to watch something in a matter of keyboard taps. And so I hide in plain sight from my own children, out of their way so we don’t possibly disturb each other in our restful spaces. (Mines more like restless)